


When the papers crumpled up it can't be perfect again

by fondlelarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, RPF, no but seriously, ridiculously sappy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-09
Updated: 2013-05-09
Packaged: 2017-12-10 22:45:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/791049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fondlelarry/pseuds/fondlelarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry knows that every relationship has their difficulties.<br/>But what do you do when neither party seems to be willing to work it out?</p>
            </blockquote>





	When the papers crumpled up it can't be perfect again

**Author's Note:**

> tittle taken from Forgotten by Linkin Park

Harry sighed as he run his hand through his curls yet again.  
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, emphasizing his mood, but as usually, he got no response.

  
He was sitting on the loveseat of their couch, alone, his long legs spread out and crossing each other, leaning his elbow on the back of the couch and his head resting, but not really, on the palm of his right hand. He sighed deeply again, as he grabbed his phone from beside him, his fingers ghosting against the hem of Louis’ pants.  
Still no response.  
He looked over at him, trying to be a little discreet, since he knew how obvious his stares could be at times.  
Louis was sitting on the opposite side of the couch, his feet stretched across, and his back leaning against the armrest. He, as well, had his phone in his hand, a cup of lukewarm tea in the other, sipping on it every now and then.  
At the moment, his eyes were locked on the TV, a stupid rerun of an even more stupid sitcom playing on the screen. It was one of those new ones, that probably weren’t gonna make it further than the first season.  
His eyes gazed over Louis’ face, half lit up by the TV in the otherwise dim lit room. No amusement what so ever on his face, as the poorly pre-taped laughter rung through the room.  
  


 

 

They had a couple of days off, something that didn’t exactly happen often, and this was how they spent it.  
Well, yesterday they had gone to have dinner with Harry’s family, so at least that was something.  
But still.

  
Had this been a few months ago.. how many had it been? Three maybe?  
Anyway, had this been then, he and Louis would’ve either been cuddling up whispering sweet nothings in each others ear, or having steamy, passionate sex somewhere on whatever soft surface they made it to, or maybe even against a wall.

  
That was how their over two year long relationship had always been like.  
Passion, passion, passion, love, sex, passion, love and some more passion. Complete and utter devotion from the both of them, with extreme difficulties when it came to the matter of not touching each other in some way.  
It was like they were each others drugs, addicted to one another in a way that surely couldn’t be normal. An invisible force that pulled them together at any point and any time, so that no one, no matter how well the boys tried to hide it, could miss it. 

  
But no, this wasn’t back then, this was now.  
And now, they were sitting here, on opposite sides of their large couch, not a single inch of skin touching, as they were both pretending to pay attention to a show that no one cared about, while they were ignoring the fact that they had, indeed, drifted apart.

 

 

  
  
Harry didn’t even know how it happened.  
The change had been so slow, so gradually, that he hadn’t even noticed it before they were far too deep in. And he didn’t think Louis had either.  
The people around them had though, particularly Liam, Zayn and Niall.  
How could they not, when they spend pretty much every minute of every day together?  
Thankfully, they didn’t mention it. They figured the lovers where going through a rough path, and that things wouldn’t exactly get better if they meddled.  
It’s just that things didn’t get better anyway, they just got worse. 

 

  
Harry had refused to realize it at first.  
In his head he would blame it on them being tired, exhausted with the tour, and the management, and the interviews, and all the other things that made sure he couldn’t  spend some quality time alone with his boyfriend.  
But then the tour had ended, they were home, having a few weeks off before doing promoting around the UK, and things hadn’t changed. 

So Harry tried, he tried so hard to make things go back to the way they were. To hold Louis hand, and kiss him whenever, cuddle up to him, and make him romantic dinners.

But their hands were limp and too warm or too cold, and their kisses either too sloppy or too dry, with all sense of rhythm just.. lost.  
At night, they would end up sleeping on either side of the bed, with nothing but coldness between them, and the dinners, they were just plain awkward.  
Things weren’t right, and neither of them new why.  
It wasn’t anyone’s fault, they both new that, but then again, it is so much easier to blame each other then to blame yourself.  
  


Their last attempt at regaining their connection had been sex an evening after they had been having a few glasses of wine at dinner with their friends.  
Even though it had been over a week since they had last done it by then, there was just no lust or passion. It was messy and _wrong_ , with few touches and basically no kissing, ending with Louis, being the bottom, having a dull orgasm, so poor it almost didn’t count, while Harry couldn’t even get off at all.  
And so he had ended up alone in the shower, crying, and finally realizing that their relationship was going the same way as his cum, down the drain. 

 

  
That was a month ago now.  
The only sexual things in his life were quick, in the shower, and provided by himself. He couldn’t even come properly, couldn’t get a good fantasy or memory in his head, thought he had so, so many to pick from. 

Instead, he had just accepted defeat, and that’s were they were now, sailing on a course straight towards break-up.  
And it was devastating, depressing, and the complete opposite of what he wanted. But what do you do when neither parts of the relationship seem willing to work it out?  
  


 

 

Yesterday had been another milestone.

The dinner with his family had made his parents and sister finally realize how bad things actually were. No kisses, no skin brushing skin, not even a genuine smile towards each other.

After dinner, his mum had pulled him off into the kitchen, to ‘help her with desert’, and she had pulled him into a tight hug, letting him break down in her arms when he realized it had been days since someone had genuinely hugged him.  
She had soothed him with kisses pressed to his curls and hands stroking his back lovingly.  
“Shh. It’s okay.” She had whispered, as the tears had escaped down his cheeks, allowing himself to finally cry again, as he had given up on that as well.  
It’s not like it helped, not like it made anything better.  
  
When he finally stopped sobbing, she had kissed his tearstained cheeks, and tried to give him an encouraging speech.  
“Every relationship have their bumps in the road, sweetie.” She had said. “You and Lou have just been lucky to not have any before now. But it’s normal, it happens.” And Harry had nodded, leaning his head on her shoulder again, because he felt safe there.  
“You’ve just lived in the bliss of new, exciting love, and now it’s a new period for you two, but it’s gonna be just as good. I promise. You just have to adjust to it.”  
And he nodded again. He knew all this, off course he did.  
“The important thing is that you’re working on it, working through the difficulties together. That you’re both a 100 percent committed to this. Cause if you’re not.. Well that’s when the real problems start.” And just like that, his mum had broken him down again.  
  
Because they weren’t working on it. They were ignoring it, not talking, letting it consume their existence instead.  
The real problems were there, and they would end in heartbreaks.   
But Harry had just nodded, giving his mum a weak smile, that in return gave him a kiss to his forehead. Then he excused himself into the bathroom, where he cried some more, before washing his face and joining the rest for desert, pretending that everything was okay.  
  
  


 

But now, now he was just frustrated.  
  
A part of him wanted to just break up, be done with it, save themselves from the pain and torture they were both going through at the moment. He wanted to loathe Louis, and shut him out of his life, and be done with it.  
With him.  
  
But another part, and a much, much bigger part loved him. Loved him with all of his heart, and all of his soul, no matter how cliché that was, and he wanted to make it right.  
He wanted to work through the issues, to know that things would be okay again.  
To hold Louis in his arms and never, ever let go.  
Because Louis was his everything, no matter how much he tried to deny it, _Louis was his life_.  
  
But how could he make things right when they were so wrong?  
He couldn’t do it alone, that was for sure, and he simply wasn’t sure of how much Louis wanted this anymore.  
If they ended this now, took some time apart, they could eventually become good friends again, they could have each other, without _having_ each other.  
The question was how far this could go, how much more they could ruin, before that wasn’t even an option anymore.  
  


 

 

Louis’ phone buzzed, and he picked it up from where it was resting on his thigh.  
“Hungry?” He asked, not even looking at Harry. Harry just shrugged, knowing that his boyfriend, however long he could call him that, would see it though his eyes were on the lit up screen of his phone.  
“The boys wants to know if we wanna go out with them. Dinner at the pub.” he said, glancing up at Harry, their eyes meeting for the first time that day, if for not longer, and they both looked away uncomfortably.  
“Sure. When?”  
“Hour?”  
“Okay.”   
And so Louis texted whoever back, and Harry got up, took a shower, and got ready to go out.  
  
  


 

The dinner was, like everything else in his life lately, awkward.  
Louis and Harry was sitting as far away from each other as possible, while Zayn, Liam and Niall was glancing back and forth between them. They clearly didn’t know how to handle the situation, none of them did, so instead they filled their mouths with burger, fries and beer, and hoped that things wouldn’t get even _more_ awkward, though Harry didn’t know how they could.  
There were a few occasions of small talk, but they eventually just ended in silence.

  
  
After three pints and a large portion of food, Harry finally had enough, so he kindly excused himself and said he was heading home, before he walked away without a second glance.  
As predicted, no one followed him.  
So he got one of their drivers to pick him up, and went back home.  
He took of his clothes and sat down on the sofa, where Louis was previously seated, in just his boxers and a blanket, hoping that maybe he could find some of Louis’ warmth there.  
He didn’t. 

 

  
It was around an hour later when Louis came home. Harry had found a film on the TV, one he hadn’t seen before, and he didn‘t realize before it was too late, it was a sad one.  
One of the main characters had  just died, and Harry was sobbing, big tears flowing down his puffy cheeks.  
  
“Harry..” Louis had said, walking over to him and put a hand on his cheek, stroking away his tears. And it felt out of place, and weird, though his heart jumped in his chest.  
Still, he pulled away.  
“It’s just a sad movie.” He said, waving towards the screen. Louis sighed.  
“Harry..” He said again, implying that they both new it was more than that.  
“Just.. Don’t.” Harry replied.  
“We need to talk about this. You know we do.” Harry let out a small, bitter laugh.  
“Really? Cause it haven’t seemed like it for the past few months. But now that you have some alcohol in your system, now you’re ready to talk.” He spat, though he never raised his voice.  
“It’s not like that-” Louis started, but Harry cut him off.  
“Then what is it like?” He asked, his arms crossing over his chest. Louis hesitated, just like Harry knew he would, and so Harry stood up, ready to walk away.  
“Can we please just talk? You can‘t just walk away!” Louis tried again, as he reached out and grabbed Harry’s arm, but Harry pulled away.  
However, he remained still in front of Louis.  
“Why not?” He spat, his voice raising slightly.  
“It wont fix anything! God, Harry, you’re so.. You can’t just run away from your problems and hope they’ll fix themselves!” Louis voice was loud now, raising with every word. They were practically yelling at each other, and that was something they never, ever did.  
“Yeah, right, cause ignoring everything is so much better! You’re being stupid Louis, stop pretending that I’m the one to blame!” They were breathing heavily, tears threatening to fall from them both. And Harry wanted to yell more, wanted to scream and cry and blame it all on Louis, but he knew he couldn’t.  
  
“I know. I know it‘s not your fault Harry, and I‘m not blaming you.” Louis finally said, his voice back to the silent whispers. “It’s just.. I don’t know how this happened, or how we could not stop it from happening.. I just.. I don’t know.” He added, already sounding defeated. Harry stepped forward, hesitantly putting his hand on Louis’ forearm.  
“I know. It just did. We.. I.. I think we just need some time apart. Some time to think.” Harry suggested, and he didn’t miss how Louis’ face fell. But Louis still nodded in agreement, before whispering a weak ‘yeah’.  
“We’re not breaking up though, right?” Harry added, he needed that confirmed just as much as he guessed Louis did. A small, teeny tiny smile spread over Louis’ lips.  
“No, just a break.”  
“Okay.”  
“Okay.” They both stood still, not looking at each other, and not knowing what to do.  
“Maybe.. Um. I’m gonna  pack a few things. And I’ll go crash at Zayns place or something.” Harry said, unsure.  
He had to get out of the apartment. You can’t take a break from someone, while living and working with them. And the first of the two was the easiest to fix. Louis just nodded, while Harry went up to get dressed and pack.  
He came down five minutes later, a bag over his shoulders, to find Louis in the exact same spot.  
“Okay then.” Harry said, looking at Louis for a few moments, before turning to pull on his shoes.  
“Zayns not home, he’s still at the bar with Niall. Liam is though.” Louis said.  
“Okay.” Harry said, his hand on the door handle. He looked at Louis, biting his lip. “Um, good night then..”  
“Night..” And with a quick, final glance at the broken boy in front of him, he walked out. 

 

 

 

  
  
Liam had let him in with a sad, but understanding smile. Harry didn’t even need to explain himself.  
He didn’t know whether Liam thought they had broken up or not, but he figured it could wait, at least till tomorrow.  
They could tell the boys together, maybe they would help them with the whole keeping distance-thing.  
So Harry had been showed to the guestroom, not that he didn’t know the way, and he had muttered a weak thank you, and gone straight to bed.  
It weren’t really late or anything, but they would have to get up early, and Harry didn’t really feel like talking, or having Liam’s concerned glance at him.  
 

  
Sleep was not his friend however.  
He tossed and turned, eyes wide open, for hours.  
It was weird, how Louis and he had been so distant, so cold towards each other, and still, he couldn’t sleep without the sound of Louis’ breathing and the smell of him.  
  
A flash of memory crossed his mind, reminding him that this room, was in fact, the first place Harry had ever given Louis a blow job, and he smiled sadly at the thought.  
The other lads had been in the living room, clueless, as they didn’t know that Louis and Harry had changed their relationship.  
Louis had been sitting, eventually lying, on this very bed, sweaty and moaning and begging for Harry to _’please just stop teasing’._  
Harry took a deep breath through his nose, pretending, and maybe even hoping, that he could catch a small whiff of Louis, but he knew it was impossible.  
He envied Louis, cause at least he could smell Harry, cuddle his pillow, wrap himself in his duvet.  
Harry regretted not snatching Louis’ pillow before he left.  
But the thought hadn’t crossed his mind at the moment. Why would it? They were taking time apart, because they were so sick of each other that they couldn’t even pretend to enjoy each others company anymore.  
He had simply forgotten that it was possible for him to miss his boyfriend like this.  
  


And so he spent the rest of the night alone and upset.  
He was restless and sleepy at the same time, and shivering while sweating, and everything just seemed impossibly wrong.  
He realized he was actually dreading the interviews tomorrow, knowing how grumpy he would be without enough sleep.  
He couldn't help wondering if Louis had troubles sleeping too.  
  


 

 

  
Liam woke him up at 7 the next morning, with a scolding cup of tea, and an even warmer smile.  
“The car will be here in 15.” He informed him, before backing out of the room again to give Harry some privacy.  
Harry quickly changed his boxers, not even bothering to shower, and pulled on some sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt. 

At least they were just doing radio interviews through phones and magazine interviews without pictures, and he didn’t need to look perfect, like people expected him to.  
After forcing down some bread and the tea, he and Liam walked out to the car, to find the other three lads inside, waiting.  
Niall and Zayn were chatting, probably about the previous night, while Louis were twiddling his fingers in his lap.  
He looked up at Harry, offering him a small smile, which Harry returned.  
Louis looked just as bad as Harry felt.  
Dressed in red joggers and a sweater, a beanie down on his head, and with dark circles under his eyes.  
Harry didn’t know whether he was sad his boyfriend was upset, or happy that this was as difficult for Louis as it was for him. 

 

The 20 minute car ride to the place they were having the interviews were quiet.  
Zayn fell asleep on Nialls shoulder, while the rest of them just stared out the windows.  
When they got there, they all hurried out, and met up with Paul to get today’s plan.  
Paul definitely noticed that something was more off than usual.  
He handed out some papers with concerned looks, and then went through the plan easily.  
To Harry’s dismay, he and Louis had several interviews together, added to the ones that contained all five off them.  
Louis and he shared a look, both saying with their eyes that this would indeed be more than difficult, and so after the little info-meeting, Harry grabbed Louis’ sweater and pulled him over to Paul. 

“What’s up boys?” He asked, trying to sound casual, but worry was seeping through his words. He knew, off course he did, that the two lovers were going through difficulties, and he dreaded the conversation things were heading towards. The one were they would tell him that they had broken up and needed some weeks, maybe even months apart, or that they would quit the band all together.  
“We, uh..” Harry started, but he was lost for words. Beside him, Louis sighed, before stepping in.  
“Harry and I are taking a break, we just need some time apart.” He informed.  
“But you’re still.. dating?” Paul asked carefully, to which the boys nodded firmly.  
“We just wondered if you could maybe, I don’t know, schedule some separate interviews or something, so that Louis and I don’t need to spend so much together. To help us keep the distance, just for a few days.” Harry said, as Paul nodded thoughtfully.  
“I’ll see what I can do.” He said, before pulling out his phone and walking away.

  
Harry and Louis walked over to the other lads after that, and told them what was happening, and they could see relief cross their mates faces, as they realized that the boys were still together.  
Liam said that Harry could stay as long as he wanted, and Louis got the same offer from the other boys, in case he was feeling a bit lonely, and they both thanked them with smiles, before scurrying off to their interviews.   
  
  


 

The day went by quickly, much to Harry’s relief, and they didn’t have much time to talk outside of interviews.  
They pretended that everything was good, like they always did in public, but it just seemed harder today.  
  
At 4 pm, they were finally done for the day, and were called into a quick meeting with Paul and some other management-people.  
“Okay, boys, so a little change of plans.” Paul informed, looking specifically at Harry and Louis. “You have a signing tomorrow, as planned, that you will go through with, followed by a meet and greet. After that, you were supposed to travel the country together, doing some interviews in different cities around the UK, but we’re gonna split you up and ad a few more instead. That means, Harry and Zayn will go to the cities on the east, and Liam, Niall and Louis will go to the ones on the west.”  
Harry let out a small sigh of relief, knowing that this was indeed what they needed. Some real time completely apart.  
“You’ll leave Wednesday morning, and will move around doing interviews till Friday. Okay?” The boys all nodded in agreement.  
“Good.” Paul continued. “We’ve booked flights for you all on Friday afternoon, so you can go home and spend the weekend with your families.” He added, finally. The boys broke out in smiles, happy to get some unexpected time off.  
That would be almost 5 whole days without Louis.  
Five days to clear his mind, find out what to do.  
This would be good. It had to be.

 

 

 

  
  
The signing and meet and greet turned out to be a bit worse than the interviews had been.  
Harry was sitting on the far right end, Niall next to him, followed by Liam, Louis and finally Zayn.  
All the boys were goofy, like always, joking around and laughing while getting the job done. And that was fine, Harry loved Niall, they had a lot of fun together, and he was glad to spend some time with him now, knowing that he wouldn’t see him the rest of the week.  
It was the girls with the questions that were difficult, the ones who gave them drawings off ‘Larry Stylinson’, and asking how Louis was, how things where between the two, if they were dating yet.  
Harry just smiled, dodging the questions he just couldn’t bare to answer, and Niall was a good, loud distraction.  
Harry couldn’t help but look over at Louis once in a while though, seeing if he was okay.  
He was, after all, his boyfriend, and Harry had always been protective of him.  
  


And then it was the pictures.  
Some stupid bodyguard had put Louis and Harry next to each other, and so they had no choice but to put their arms around each other and smile like they were fucking happy, and it was honestly a little exhausting.  
Paul had broken them up for a small break, about half an hour in, though, and put the three other lads between them, and so Harry’s stressed smile had been replace by a genuine one, as Liam pinched his bum the second the first picture was taken.

 

 

 

  
  
Tuesday night was the first time Louis and Harry was alone again.  
They had to pack their stuff for the 5 days long trip, and though Liam said he could come with him, Harry had politely declined.  
He knew that Liam had things to pack, and a girlfriend to skype, and anyway, what kind of boyfriends couldn’t spend 20 minutes alone in their apartment together?  
  


So Harry grabbed the dirty clothes he had from the past few days, and walked over to their apartment.  
He stopped outside, unsure of whether or not he should just walk in.  
It was his flat after all, but at the moment he didn’t live there, and.. It was just weird. 

He decided on knocking twice before opening the door, just to let Louis know he was coming in.   
He met Louis in the hallway, clearly on his way to answer the door, and Louis gave him a puzzled look. But Harry just shrugged it off and headed into their shared bedroom.  
Louis’ suitcase was already on the bed, half stuffed with clothes and shoes, and Harry pulled out his from the back of the closet and sat it next to Louis’.  
Soon they were both packing in silence, walking across and around each other.  
The clothes that they always fought over when they went to separate places, such as the white woolen sweater, and the purple beanie, and the black hoodie, were all carefully left in the closet.  
  
  
Harry contemplated taking one of Louis’ shirts with him.  
Something that smelled of him, something that would help him sleep at night.  
He stared at Louis’ side of the closet for what seemed like forever, trying to decide if it were a good idea or not.  
“What are you thinking about?” Louis asked, and Harry was unsure if he should tell him or not. It was weird, because Harry was always open and honest with Louis, no matter what, and that was the way it should be. So he decided to keep doing just that.  
Maybe it would help them regain their relationship.  
“I had troubles sleeping the past nights.” He said, not looking at Louis. “And I just figured I missed your smell or something, since I’m so used to it, you know. And I was wondering whether or not I should bring one of your shirts. You know, for comfort.” He turned to Louis, who had a thoughtful expression on his face.  
“Yeah.. I switched my pillow with yours the last couple of nights.” He admitted. “But it didn’t really help, to be honest, it’s not the same.” Harry nodded, and they stood there in silence, both trying to make up their minds.  
“I don’t think you should.” Louis finally said, sighing. “We’re taking a break to clear our heads, so maybe we should just rid ourselves of these things, at least until Friday. We’ll be in new places and hotels, that won’t remind us of each other, so maybe we should take advantage of that.” Harry nodded in agreement.  
“Yeah. So no things that have to do with each other.” He said, before going over to his suitcase and pulling out a t-shirt, one of his absolute favorites, that Louis had bought him. He folded it together and put it back in the closet, and he could see Louis frown slightly.  
“It’s for the best.” He said. “It’s what we need.”  
  


 

After finishing packing, Harry carried his suitcase downstairs, ready to leave to sleep at Zayns this time, as they would be traveling together early the next day. Paul had scheduled the two groups flights at different hours, so that they wouldn’t have to take the car to the airport together.  
  
Louis followed him to the door, watching as Harry put his shoes on.  
“Okay then.” Harry said, unsure. “Should we just like.. Not contact each other at all then? No calls or messages, or anything, right?”Harry swallowed, trying to get rid off the lump that had formed in his throat, as Louis nodded.  
“Yeah, at least till we’re back in our homes.” Harry knew being home without Louis would be hard, but being home without even thinking about him? That was impossible. Too many memories was made in that house, the same with Louis’ parent’s house.  
“Okay.”  
Harry took a slow step forward, putting his hand on Louis cheek.  
It was weird.  
Usually when they were to spend time apart, they would at least kiss, or hug, even in the difficult times that led up to this.  
But now Harry didn’t know what to do, so instead he let his hand carefully caress Louis’ cheek, and smiled slightly as Louis closed his eyes and leaned into his touch.  
He let his thumb run over his cheekbone once, liking the way it felt familiar, before letting go, and saying a quick bye. 

 

 

  
“You okay?” Zayn asked as soon as Harry got into his flat.  
“Yeah.” he said, putting his suitcase down and turning to look at him. “Louis and I have decided to have no contact what so ever for the next few days, so I would appreciate if you don’t mention him a lot. We just need to clear our heads and all.” he  said, and Zayn nodded, biting the corner of his lip.  
“You’re sure about this though, right?”  
“Yeah, I am. We need to get back on track again, but to be able to do that, we need to step back and take a breath first.” Zayn nodded.  
“I agree. I really hope you guys work this out, you know. You deserve to be happy, both of you.”  
“Thanks.”  
“And no more Louis-talk form now on.” Harry smiled, nodding. “Movie then?” He asked, and Harry nodded again, following him into the living room.  
  
  
The three, well two and a half really, days went by slowly.  
Spending time apart from Louis was hard, and it made him realize how much he needed him, and how much he missed not being with him.  
It was a wake up call, really. A jolt of reality to suddenly see how his life would be like without Louis.  
He couldn’t sleep, he didn’t have much of an appetite, and things just seemed… boring.  
It was actually the first time, since they met, that they had days without contact and it was painful, to be honest.  
Harry needed Louis, he needed him one way or another.  
But more than that, he wanted him, and he wanted him as his boyfriend again.  
However, he needed to know that Louis was as dedicated as him.  
And he didn’t.  
He needed to be certain.  
He didn’t even know if he was dying to talk to him, as much as he was dying to talk to Louis.  
  
   
But at the same time he didn’t really want to talk to him.  
Cause this was good, this apart time. It opened Harry’s eyes more than he thought it would, and he wasn’t sure if that would continue if they suddenly started talking a lot again.  
Though, talking a lot seemed unnatural as well. Their conversations had been few for months now, and they needed to ease their way back to normal.  
Well, at least that’s how Harry though.  
He had no clue as to what went on inside Louis’ head.

 

Zayn talked a bit to Liam and Niall, but Harry didn’t contact them either.  
He didn’t really know why, it was one of those things that just happened, but he didn’t think Zayn talked much to Louis either, so it was all good.  
Beside, Niall and Liam knew his problem didn’t include them. He just found it easier to not talk to them.  
However he decided to send them both a message Friday afternoon, when he was going back to his mum’s for the weekend, saying thank you for being understanding and that he loved them.

 

  
  
Harry’s family was sweet about it as well, no one mentioning Louis or what was going on.  
Instead they just had a fun family night with a home cooked meal and some board games.  
It surprised him that he actually didn’t give Louis much thought at all.  
  
Well, until he was lying in bed.  
It frustrated him, because he would usually read Louis like an open book, but right now, he had no idea as to what Louis felt.  
His mind spinning with thousand thoughts of what he would say to him when they saw each other.  
Would they hug?  
Kiss?  
Would they finally be able to talk about everything, stop pretending and pushing each other away?  
Would they be able to work their way back into each others arms?  
  


His thoughts were rudely interrupted by his phone buzzing against the night stand. He reached over and grabbed it, and his heart skipped a beat when he saw it was a text from Louis. He made himself calm down, before opening it.  
  
 _‘Hi. I don’t know if we're supposed to talk or not (?), but anyway.. I miss you and I love you, and I just needed you to know that. xx’_  
  
Harry couldn’t help the smile that spread across his cheeks, and the butterflies that erupted deep inside his belly, and it made him so happy, it made him so fucking happy to have those feelings again, that he actually begun to cry.  
It was just good to get the confirmation, that he missed Harry too, and that he thought about him. And then the ‘I love you’ on top of that, which were three little words they hadn’t said in a while.  
Harry furiously wiped the tears away, but they just kept pouring out, so eventually he just stopped trying to fight it, and instead let the happy tears consume him, as he chuckled at his stupidity.  
A few minutes later, he had finally gotten enough control, so that his eyes weren’t blurry anymore, and he could actually type out an answer.  
  
 _‘Hey. It’s okay, though I think maybe we should try not to? Idk, I just feel like the time apart have really helped me to clear my head.. But I miss you too, and I love you, so much. xx’_  
  
A few minutes went by, and he wondered if Louis maybe had fallen asleep, or if he would answer at all. But as soon as Harry was ready to give up, his phone lit up again, making him bite his lip.  
  
 _‘Yeah, no, I agree. It’s been good. I’m looking forward to see you though. Goodnight Hazza, sweet dreams. Love you xx’_  
  
 _‘Me too. Sleep tight babe. Love you xx’_  
  


 

 

 

  
Harry woke up late the next Saturday.  
The clock was nearing 12 when he finally decided to stop slumbering, and pulled the warm covers off.  
He smiled, feeling relaxed and content, finally having a good nights sleep.  
  
Louis.  
It was all because off Louis.  
Because in the first time in months he knew that everything would work out between him and his boyfriend.  
And nothing could make him happier.  
  


He rolled out of bed, finding some clean clothes and took a long shower.  
A shower that included many dirty, _dirty_   thoughts about Louis, and the best release he’d had in a long time. 

Off course Harry knew that things weren’t done healing, that they would have issues to work on. There were no guarantee that they would click right away again.  
But eventually, they would, and that was more than good enough for Harry. No matter how long it took, it would be worth it.  
And so he quickly dried off, and practically skipped down the stars, seeing that breakfast was almost done. He greeted his family with a big dimpled smile, before helping setting the table.  
His family obviously reacted to his sudden change of mood, but they didn’t say anything, just smiled along with him, glad that things were looking up. 

 

Harry found himself wanting to text or call Louis every second, and was almost upset with himself for saying they shouldn’t.  
He knew it was for the best though.  
But it was weird, he felt like he did when Louis and he had first gotten together. He was extremely giddy and had to stop himself from giggling at the smallest things, the butterflies seemed to have moved in for good again, and every little thing that reminded him of Louis sent them flying. 

And it was great, it was amazing!  
But it was also a little worrying.  
'Cause maybe Louis wasn’t back at that stage.  
He knew that Louis wanted things to work out now, but maybe Louis was acting and being different about all of this. Maybe he didn’t have the butterflies and smitten feeling, but instead just determination and bad feelings that he had to turn into good ones by himself.  
And that was scary in two ways. The first being the fact that Louis had that much power over Harry’s emotions, and the second being that Harry might not have as much power over Louis’.  
  
But for now, he could bask in the newlywed-feeling, Louis didn’t see his stupid grin anyway, so that was exactly what he did.  

 

 

  
Harry spent his Saturday with Gemma. 

They went shopping at a mall a little outside of their town, and then they found a market there as well, so they just spent the whole day walking around and talking.  
It was great, really. Harry missed bonding time with his sister. 

After a few hours, they went to sit down at a small café for lunch.  
Harry decided to tell her about everything that had happened between him and Louis, from the beginning, to the fight, and then to the messages last night, and Gemma was very understanding about it all.  
She said she was really happy that they were back on track again, and that she loved Louis, and even more, she loved Louis with Harry.  
They were the happiest couple she’d ever seen, she said, and if they couldn’t make it, she didn’t know who could.  
And Harry smiled like a fool, once again, unable to contain himself.  
  


After their lunch, they walked around the market a little more.  
Harry found a big, thick, fluffy, striped, knitted jumper, and it was absolutely perfect for Louis.  
With a glance at Gemma, who grinned and nodded eagerly, he bought it.  
He wanted to text Louis, tell him that he had bought something for him, but Gemma told him not to, said it would be a nice surprise instead.  
And he really hoped it would be, that it wouldn’t be to much, to soon.

 

  
  
When they got home, Harry and Gemma made dinner for their parents.  
Gemma then suggested they should bake a cake, and she decided that they should make some brownies.  
And Harry smiled even bigger at that.  
Brownies reminded him very much of Louis, in fact, brownies was a big part of the two of them getting together.  
  


 _~Harry was just done making the batter when Louis came home._  
 _Louis had been a little down lately, and Harry had figured some cake and maybe a movie could help him feel better._  
 _It was a bit girly, he knew that, but it was them after all. Louis would never judge him for something like that._  
 _  
Louis had walked into the kitchen and pushed a finger down into the batter, before licking it off with a delighted expression._  
 _“Brownies.” He had stated, before poking his finger back into the bowl._  
 _“Hey!” Harry had said playfully, pulling the bowl away from him, only letting him get batter on the very tip of his finger. “Leave something to put in the oven.”_  
 _Louis had stopped with his finger halfway to his mouth, before smirking slightly, and smearing the batter on Harry’s cheek instead. Harry had simply reached up, wiped the batter off of his cheek with his own finger, and licked it off._  
 _“Can‘t let anything go to waste” He said._  
 _  
Within a few seconds, Louis had snatched the bowl and run off._  
 _Harry’s reflexes were quick though, and he ran after._  
 _  
Somehow, without spilling any batter, Harry had ended up on his back on the floor, with Louis sitting on top of him triumphantly. Louis had lifted the bowl to his own mouth, pretending to take a sip of it, and the second he did, Harry pushed the bowl so that batter spilled across Louis’ nose, lips and cheeks._  
 _Harry had laughed, and Louis had glared._  
 _Then, Louis had set the bowl down, wiped some batter off his own face, and smeared it across Harry’s face instead._  
 _  
However, Harry, without really knowing what he was doing, opened his mouth and begun licking and sucking the batter of Louis’ fingers._  
 _That had made Louis freeze his actions completely, and therefore so had Harry._  
 _He had blushed furiously, as he realized what he just did._  
 _Louis had stared at him for a good ten seconds, before he had reached his fingers up to his face again, and wiped some more batter of his cheeks._  
 _Harry was about to ask him what he was doing, but Louis gave him a look, telling him not to._  
 _So instead, Harry had remained silent, while Louis had carefully smeared brownie batter over Harry’s lips._  
 _Then, he had leaned down, muttered “Can’t let anything go to waste..” and kissed Harry._ ~  
  


 

Harry grinned at the memory and snapped a picture of the batter, sending it to Louis before he could change his mind.  
Louis had responded shortly after,  
  
 _‘Ey, eating brownies without me? Not fair! : ( Well, you better not be doing any other brownie-related activities without me…’_  
  
Harry had chuckled loudly, causing Gemma to give him a knowing look, and Harry had blushed, and bit down on his lip to hide his ever-growing smile.  
  
 _‘Like… turning on the oven?’_  
  
He could imagine Louis smiling and rolling his eyes, like he always did when Harry made jokes like that.  
  
 _‘As long as that is all you turn on.’_  
  
 _‘I don’t think brownie-batter is a turn-on for Gemma.. Or mum.. Or Robin.. And if it is, I sure as hell don’t wanna know’_  
  
 _‘Hah! That could ruin thing for us… Weren’t we supposed to not talk?”_  
  
 _‘Right. See you tomorrow, love.’_  
  
 _‘Miss you. Love you. xx’_  
  
 _‘Love you and miss you too. xx’_  
  
  


 

 

  
When Harry was on his way back to the apartment, it was already nearing 8 pm.  
He didn’t know whether or not if Louis would be home yet, as they hadn’t spoken since that last message.  
He was nervous though, really nervous. Though he didn’t quite want to admit it.  
It was Louis.  
His Louis.  
His best friend.  
His boyfriend.  
But still, he did have reasons to be nervous, he just tried not to think about them.

  
  
When the car approached the flat, he saw lights through the window, meaning Louis was home. 

He was kinda relieved actually, he wanted to just get it over with, even though he wished he could’ve had more time to compose himself.  
He grabbed his bag, declining the drivers offer to carry it up for him, and made his way up the stairs.  
Harry opened the door quietly, and stepped inside, almost tripping over Louis’ bag in the process.  
Once setting both of their bags aside, he walked into the living room, to find Louis pacing the floor. He clearly hadn’t realized that Harry was home yet.  
He was walking back and forth, mumbling words that Harry couldn’t make out, no matter how much he tried. His eyes were focused on the floor, and his eyebrows pulled together, as he gestured slightly with his hands as he talked.  
It was kinda cute, really. 

However, Harry felt like a creep, so he cleared his throat, making Louis startle. His head flew up as his gaze landed on Harry, and then he smiled. Not a big, toothy grin, more like a sweet, but slightly unsure, smile, that Harry returned. 

“Hi.” Louis said, standing still in the middle of the floor. “How.. Um, did you have a nice trip?”  
“Yeah, it was good. You?”  
“Yeah. Good.” Harry smiled and walked over to were Louis was standing, stopping a couple of feet in front of him.  
“We really should talk, huh?” He said, and Louis let out a breathy laugh.  
“We should.” Harry turned slightly, thinking they should walk over to the couch, but he immediately noticed that Louis didn’t follow, so he turned back instead.  
And they stood like that, probably for a minute, just looking at each other. 

“You do want to work things out. Right?” Harry finally said, feeling extremely unsure of.. well everything, really.  
Louis closed his eyes and composed himself for a second, before looking into Harry’s eyes, a calm expression filling his face.  
“Yeah, I really do. You too, right?”  
“Off course.” And they both let out a breath, feeling some of the tension sweeping away. 

“Okay.” Louis said, taking Harry’s hands in his, and staring at them,  
“I know that things have been really off, I mean obviously, and I know it’s gonna take some work to get it back. To get us back.  
We’re gonna have to work on it, every day, we’re gonna have to talk about things that are difficult, things that none of us might want to talk about, but.. it’s what we need to do to get this working again.” He looked up at Harry, and Harry nodded in agreement.  
“We’re gonna have to be honest with each other, like, really honest. Good or bad, even about the tiniest things.” He added, and again, Harry nodded in agreement. When Louis didn’t start speaking again right away, Harry squeezed his hand slightly.  
“We’ll make this work Lou.” He said, reassuringly, and Louis smiled at him. 

“Things have always been so easy for us.” Louis said, his eyes back at their hands. “And, I think that’s kinda what.. broke us. Because we weren’t prepared for things to not be easy, and therefore we didn’t deal with it. And. I don’t know.. but we’ll deal with it now.” He said, gaining confidence again as he spoke. His eyes flickered back up to Harry’s, and he held his gaze when he begun speaking yet again.  
  
“The thing is.. Even though we’ve gone through shit. Even though we let ourselves slip apart and we were acting stupid.. Even though we almost gave up on us, Harry..  
Even then, I was still happier fighting with you, then I ever could’ve been in the happiest period of my life with someone else.” Harry took a shaky breath as he felt the familiar sensation of tears stinging in his eyes.  
“Because I love you, I love you so fucking much, and I’m so committed to this, to us. And we’re worth it, you and me, we’re worth all the fights and the bad times and the shit. Cause in the end, it’s still gonna be you and me.  
And that’s all I need. It’s all I want. And I  hope you want it too, because..” 

Harry looked up when Louis stopped talking.

And then, he looked down when Louis suddenly had one knee on the floor. 

He looked at Louis’ hands, as they made their way to his pocket, and took out a small black box.

He looked at Louis’ fingers, as they opened that black box, and revealed a shiny, silver ring. 

And then he looked back at Louis’ face, and their eyes met each other.  
“..Because you make me happy. Happier than I ever thought I could be. And I was always kinda scared, scared of loosing my feelings for you if we ever fought, since, you know, we never did.  
But then we did fight, and my feelings just kept growing, like they always do. And it’s not like I think this will fix everything, make everything normal, but I know I can never be happy without you.  
You’re my everything, Harry, and I want you to always be my everything.  
So, Harry Edward Styles, will you be my forever? Will you marry me?”  
  


Harry just kept staring at him, his arms limp at his side, and his whole body numb.  
He didn’t know what to do, how do move, or speak, or do anything.

And then his feet couldn’t carry him anymore, and he fell down on his knees in front of Louis.  
Of all the ways he thought this conversation could end, this was certainly not one of them. And he couldn’t help staring from the ring, to Louis’ face, to the ring, and to Louis’ face again.  
  
And then he noticed Louis’ expression changing, his teeth digging sharply into his bottom lip, and his eyes seemed to loose all hope. And so Harry finally managed to get out of the trance, and he nodded, he nodded so eagerly he worried he’d might get a whiplash.  
And he smiled, and he laughed and he cried, all at once. And he felt kinda stupid for that.  
But then he looked at Louis, and realized that he was doing the exact same things, as he picked the ring out of the box, and placed it on Harry’s finger with shaky hands.  
And he couldn’t help himself, so he leapt forward, throwing his arms around Louis, and kissed him deeply.

  
And for the first time, in a very long time, it felt just right.

**Author's Note:**

> (fondlelarry.tumblr.com)


End file.
